B&A: I've finally written a short story! What do you think?

This would make a really good story but what you have written could have been said in two sentences. You started OK with build up etc although I have to tell you crows do not fly at night so try an owl - and then you rush headlong and complete it without further build up or climax. You need a twist such as they walked through the cemetery together talking about various things and when they reached the other side the strange girl made some remark and was suddenly no more. Just a thought and I am sure you could think of something better. Good luck with your story and if it is based an a local happening then it makes it all the more creepy and scary.